Plaster Drive Through

‘Oh boy,’ I sighed, pressing my hand so hard into my face I could hear my skull creaking. ‘This isn’t good.’

         ‘Oh, it’s not that bad,’ Jeremy rolled his eyes. ‘We can have it fixed before the client gets home.’

         A light breeze touched at my hair, and I looked up – at the hole in the side of the house where their wall had once been. Jeremy’s digger, which he was supposed to be using to dig their pool, was parked halfway into the living room.

         ‘I can’t tell if you’re an optimist,’ I narrowed my eyes on him. ‘Or an idiot.’

         ‘Could be both,’ he grinned, then quickly dropped the expression when he saw the look in my eye. ‘Definitely an idiot,’ he mumbled. ‘But hey, isn’t this why we have builder’s insurance?’

         ‘I don’t know if we’re covered for driving through their brand new plaster wall,’ I yelled at him. He cowered slightly, but tried to maintain his dignity.

         ‘What if we…uh…what if we call up a professional plasterer near Melbourne to come and have a look?’

         ‘A look?’ I fumed. ‘At what?! The view?!’

         ‘At fixing it!’

         ‘Why even bother?’ I threw my hands up, tossing my hard hat off to the side. ‘We’re ruined. Done for. You just cost us the whole business.’

         ‘It’s not that—’

         ‘If you finish that sentence,’ I whispered. ‘I may bury you in the pool.’

         He gulped, and immediately stopped talking.

         ‘Maybe…’ I sighed. ‘Some decorative plaster panels? Cost it to the business… no, god, I sound like you.’

         Jeremy, wisely, didn’t respond.

         ‘We’re just gonna have to face the music,’ I shrugged. ‘And hope they’re a forgiving sort. What time will they be home?’

         ‘Late-ish,’ Jeremy said. ‘They tend to work quite late.’

         ‘Why?’ I frowned. ‘What do they do?’

         ‘They’re, uh…’ he scratched his neck nervously. ‘They’re lawyers.’

         ‘You’re kidding me.’

         ‘Big city lawyers.’


         ‘With a focus on construction malfeasance and mismanagement.’

         ‘That’s it,’ I said, cracking my neck. ‘You’re going in the pool.’